escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
