I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
