he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
