Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
