Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
