Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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