I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it's like iHOP with fire
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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