WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
where am i from again
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
