If i come over, it means nothing
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize