Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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