Just fell off a train. Bad.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
