She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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