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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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