i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
