Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
