i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
