I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
