im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
