Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
True strength comes from lack of pants
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize