maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
