it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
