I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
