i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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