She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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