Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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