is your mom at the bar?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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