sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
