thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
