You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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