dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
