96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize