you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
