I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
