The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
