i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
