You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
