marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
