Dual....:-)
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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