I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
