You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
