I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
