She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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