Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize