Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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