I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
