dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
