forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
