well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize