...so i touched it.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
