I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
