Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
