we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Randomize
