woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
