If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
