Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
