He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
