i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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