my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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