I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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