I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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