the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
