It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
