i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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