i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
