seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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