it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
