I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
