Just cropdusted the office
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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