talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I met the friendliest cop last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
