I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
