So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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