Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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