Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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