I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize