i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sext me about skeletons
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
