i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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