i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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