wat bout pragnant strippers??
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
