So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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