He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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