im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
