Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
