Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
