Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
