I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
