I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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