I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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