Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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