She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My cat gives me a boner
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
