Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
