So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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