I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
