Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
