probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
