Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
