marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
