He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
